OK, so here is what has been on my mind today. I am wondering when I will officially grow up and grow out of the stupid insecurities that seem to plague Jr. high and high school girls. I know I have improved since Jr. high and high school and sometimes I even think those insecurities are gone for good, but they always have a way of creeping back in. Thankfully now I recognize them as completely stupid and I can also see that it is me who has the issues and not anyone else, but I want to be able to make them go away for good. Here's the story. I have recently started doing things with a new group of friends who have been absolutely 100% accepting of me and who I really truly appreciate. They are fantastic, fun, nice wonderful, amazing exciting and very inclusive. They have done nothing to make me doubt myself or question the fact that they indeed accept me as a new addition to their group, yet I find myself doing it anyway. I somehow start to question myself and wonder if I am good enough for them. I wonder if I am trying to hard, or not trying enough. I wonder if they really want me around. I wonder why I feel scared to call them. I wonder if I really fit in. And then after all that I wonder what the h*** I am wondering all of it for. It's dumb. It's stupid. It's immature and it's unbecoming. But it's there and I'm not quite sure what to do with it. The truth is that I think inside every woman there is that frightened 13 year old girl just wishing and wanting to be accepted by everyone everywhere--and I don't know if she will ever grow up. Thankfully I know that even though there is that 13 year old girl lurking around on the inside, I at least have the sense and the brain of a 30 year old and I am going to trust her and just try to forget about that silly little girl lurking around inside!Friday, March 7, 2008
When will I grow up?
OK, so here is what has been on my mind today. I am wondering when I will officially grow up and grow out of the stupid insecurities that seem to plague Jr. high and high school girls. I know I have improved since Jr. high and high school and sometimes I even think those insecurities are gone for good, but they always have a way of creeping back in. Thankfully now I recognize them as completely stupid and I can also see that it is me who has the issues and not anyone else, but I want to be able to make them go away for good. Here's the story. I have recently started doing things with a new group of friends who have been absolutely 100% accepting of me and who I really truly appreciate. They are fantastic, fun, nice wonderful, amazing exciting and very inclusive. They have done nothing to make me doubt myself or question the fact that they indeed accept me as a new addition to their group, yet I find myself doing it anyway. I somehow start to question myself and wonder if I am good enough for them. I wonder if I am trying to hard, or not trying enough. I wonder if they really want me around. I wonder why I feel scared to call them. I wonder if I really fit in. And then after all that I wonder what the h*** I am wondering all of it for. It's dumb. It's stupid. It's immature and it's unbecoming. But it's there and I'm not quite sure what to do with it. The truth is that I think inside every woman there is that frightened 13 year old girl just wishing and wanting to be accepted by everyone everywhere--and I don't know if she will ever grow up. Thankfully I know that even though there is that 13 year old girl lurking around on the inside, I at least have the sense and the brain of a 30 year old and I am going to trust her and just try to forget about that silly little girl lurking around inside!
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8 comments:
I love that you are willing to admit this. We all have the same problem, don't we? Or maybe it's just you and me...
For the record, you can call me ANYTIME and I'll accept you! I think you're fantastically wonderful and becoming.
We never get rid or our insecurities. I too thought they went away after high school but they don't. Just listen to your 30 year reasoning because you know better and others aren't 13 either and they love you for who you are not because you have cool red shoes!!
Hey guys! I'm so glad I found your blog! We never see you guys, and this way we can keep in touch and I can get the updates on how your doing. Your blog looks great..and uncle craig I'm loving the pic of you and the stickers all over your face. Your such a fun dad! Hope all is well with you guys. Keep in touch!
you are such an honest open person--i love that about you. Also, HONESTLY, you've got nothing to worry about--you are totally cool. Walk tall Becca, walk tall. =)
Thanks for reminding me that I am not the only one who reverts to teenaged tendencies!
Ugg. I HATE that feeling. But, I remember a number of years ago feeling the same way with you and if I remember right you felt the same about me. We turned out to be two peas in a pod. Who wouldn't love you?? And if they don't they don't deserve you. Hopefully you'll be able to pass this phase soon and move into the "I can't go a day without talking to so-and-so" phase soon.
I think you are absolutely awesome. Just remember that about yourself! I think most of that goes away as you get older and accept yourself for who you are. Everyone loves you for who you are so why not love yourself for it?
Becca, you are awesome and everyone would love to be your friend! We definitely need to hang out! When you have time for a double date or something fun, please give me a call!!
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