Back to School

The first day of school every year is always a day full of mixed emotions for me. I'm always sad to see summer go, but glad to see my kids having something to do. I'm glad that they get to see their friends every day again and also that they get to learn new things. However, I always hate that first day when I wave goodbye--it's like I'm turning them over to the world and trusting that the world will take good care of them, when I know that no one could take better care of them than me. I hate loosing the ability to be with them every minute of the day to make sure that their lives are happy and that they feel good about themselves. I hate the worry that enters my mind about whether or not they will fit in with the other kids. But most of all, I hate the absence I feel in my home and in my heart. Thankfully I know that with a little time, the day will come when I get used to all the things I hate and I am able to enjoy not having them as my constant shadows. But until that day, I do miss them more than I thought I would and I do worry. I just keep a constant prayer in my heart that everything will be OK with them. I know that I am a hypocrite for feeling this way because my ultimate goal is to raise self sufficient, independent children who can take care of themselves in this big world, but is it to much to ask for them to do all that with me by their side.....